R & R

It's official:

The next time someone fucks with me on the road, I'm kicking someone's ass!

I should note that I am one who would be classified in the road rage species.

I think that most of my anger stems from driving behind an idiot, and being tailed by an eager driver. You know, those assholes that like to ride your ass like doing that is going to make you drive any faster.

In fact, in those instances, I like to brake to show them that I'm hip to their little scheme and it doesn't fly with me.

Most of my obscenities make an appearance while I'm behind the wheel.

During my 5-minute commute home, I could go through an array of curses before I reach my destination.

My favorites are:

"You fucking prick!" - This is accompanied by the one-finger salute.

"Go, you stupid bitch!" - If anyone read my post about my big mouth, you will understand how this tends to get me in trouble.

"Drive you stupid dipshit!" - This one can apply to younger drivers.

And this next statement is only used in dire circumstances , and often pops out when I least expect it. I apologize if I offend anyone:

"Move, you fucking C-U-Next-Tuesday!"

Passengers get a kick out of my verbal one-sided arguments, and a few have become concerned for their safety. But I feel that this the proper venue for getting pissed (with the exception of actual violence, of course). I mean, where else am I supposed to vent my frustrations?

I'm also fond of throwing my hands up in exacerbation or the trusty old head shake which tells the offending driver that they're an idiot.

Sunday drivers are the worst. This is when "Move it grandma/grandpa" comes into play. It's like, I got someplace to be. That's usually why someone is in their car - because they're going somewhere. So speed it up or get the fuck out of the way.

Another pet-peeve is those big ass trucks/SUV's that are larger than necessary. I mean, what's with the monster-truck tires? I don't need to see your suspension!

Those snobs (you know who you are!) that drive their fancy cars and think they're above the rules of the road and drive all crazy or like to cut you off are on my list as well. They think you wouldn't DARE hit their car. And I think, they're right. I wouldn't hit their car. But I'd let them hit me... just think of all the insurance money! Although my trusty 1997 Nissan Sentra is getting up there in years... he could still use a replacement.

I just wanted to share my ideology for road rage, for I think in many ways, it's essential; just like rest and relaxation.